As this school year begins and I see many students and teachers prepare to walk back down the halls, I feel compelled to write about something that has been heavy on my heart for so many years. I just feel like some of this has impacted me heavily throughout my life and being quiet about things was never my style. I want to talk about Teachers, and their role in our society. I know everyone has covered this subject millions of times, but I'm going to poke it myself. Teachers are the building blocks of our society. In many cases, they're more of a parental figure than the actual parents, and we trust them to educate our offspring. We trust them to take care of our children during the day, and we trust them to lead our kids on a path to higher education. While there are a PLETHORA of amazing, caring individuals who execute this accurately, the ones who weigh on my mind more are the ones who take this role for granted. And with the world the way it is, I feel compelled to share my story in hopes that it will envoke change in people to PAY ATTENTION to the future of this nation.
The more I write in this blog and the more I reach people, the more I want to share with the world my experience on things. Good or bad. Every experience has led me to the man I am today. My experiences with teachers as a young child were always pleasant. Being a child, the world is your playground and I give a huge shoutout to teachers who teach young kids. You HAVE to care about those ages to teach. There is no doubt about it. But I hate to say I don’t remember them very well. Except for Mrs.Smith in third grade who used to do her nails in class, and they were the longest nails ever. She reminded me of the creature from "Don’t Look under The Bed" But overall these teachers are more watched and regulated because they are in charge of our babies. (Or at least they should be, I’ll go ahead and put a disclaimer out that I don’t know everything about the school systems, and this blog is simply my experience.)
What I really want to focus on is high school. High school is and always will be a place full of insane experiences. It’s a huge part of the development of our personalities. We choose ourselves here. We get to explore the world beyond our walls at home, and we get to be a part of the bigger community even outside the school. In my case, it was more about survival. From getting heckled at in the parking lot, to getting abused on the bus. I was always at the mercy of bullies. It was literally like the movies. I remember one time on the bus my shoes were taken off me and stolen from me, and they wouldn’t give them back. The bus driver witnessed all of this and simply told me to get off the bus. With no shoes. I hit the gravel and the bus started driving off and the kids busted out the window and pelted me with my shoes. While I wasn’t emotionally scarred by this, because these kids were just idiots who I could care less about, my focus was on the fact that the bus driver did NOTHING besides tell me to shove off. And they let a child walk off the bus onto the hot pavement with no shoes on.
This was only the beginning of many instances that got worse from here on out. As I got older and my gayness was getting more and more toward the door of the closet I experienced more and more scrutiny. Particularly one teacher I would like to talk about. I passed her picture today and it made me sit down to write this post. I won’t name her because as much as I want to call her out for being a detriment to society, I’m not that petty and she is still teaching so I don’t aim to hurt her publically. She was a very young teacher and she was someone very active in the High School. There were tons of rumors about her renegades with current students, involving buying them alcohol and sleeping with a number of them. But at the end of the day that’s High Schoolers creating rumors. I wasn’t there, and I don’t want to be making those kind of accusations without proof, but what got ME was the "fun" we used to have in her class. We had a couple of the losers she hung out with in our class who were known for being the biggest bullies around school. (I mentioned the rumors because they revolved around these guys particularly, so they were known to have at least a friendship) They used to sit and watch videos of people with disorders and laughing at them, I truly despised spending any time in this class. These guys got to do whatever they wanted in her class. Including but not limited to: showing up late, never participating, always getting good grades (even though I know they were dumb as bricks), and letting the whole class know how much of a Faggot I was. I’m pretty sure they thought my name was Faggot. Because they weren’t that smart, and honestly their vocabulary was short. However, I had some tough skin as a kid, and I got over it. If anything I am glad it happened because it taught me a lot about how the world works and prepared me for much more bullying to come in the future. Here is the kicker… this woman did nothing. This lady who was supposed to be watching us and teaching us spent her time laughing WITH them as they told the FAG to turn down the air for them. She literally would laugh WITH them as they tortured the school. Like Best Friends.
While this may seem small and not that big of a deal, IT IS IMPORTANT. This is where behaviors are learned. THIS is where hate is bred. This is where it cultivates, and it affects more than just LGBT youth. THIS is your chance to make the difference. Not sit by and laugh with them.
This was an act so unacceptable to me. You are supposed to be a grown adult. I understand that you feel like your high school years were the epitome of your life, but don’t come back to High School and act like a High Schooler. Your job is to be the adult in the situation, your job is to come in that class room every morning unbiased and ready to execute your curriculum without playing a game of pin the tail on the faggot. So I hope by now this lady has grown up, and managed to see the affect she has on her children. But I always regretted never saying anything. I still, to this day, regret not bringing this to a higher authority in the school. But I always told myself that one day I would go places and learn from their mistakes. I vowed to never make a kid feel unprotected in my care/presence. To learn from her mistakes as a teacher.
Even I was written up for responding to hate. (But the funny thing, is this was one of my friends who was just messing with me. There were countless moments like this that were truly abusive and so many teachers turned the other cheek...I want to name them so bad but I shall restrain)
Next I will talk about a teacher who has pushed the boundaries even further. This one goes even further into corruption and into adulthood. I fear people like this existing. First I’m going to mention my homosexuality again. This has been a huge part of who I am, and I will continue to talk about it as much as possible in hopes that I will inspire someone to speak out. Because once again, I didn’t. This man will too remain nameless, because he never bothered me personally and I don’t feel like it’s my place to call him out now. But when you’re young and gay and the world is pulling you into a space of loneliness you look for safe havens. Places you can go to trust, love and just take a deep breath.
I had just accepted myself and I was not fully out of the closet. I just wasn’t ready for my parents yet. But I was lucky to find out there was another like me in school. A kid who I had known since primary school. He had been going out into the world, he had been hanging out with many other guys, and I personally had yet to experience these things. However, I was so excited. I had finally met someone I could talk to about things, and I was excited to finally not feel alone. So naturally I wanted to be a part of his crew or at least meet people through him. I wasn’t quite 18 yet, so we couldn’t necessarily go to the clubs like Splash or George’s (Even though he got in because of the “connections”) So one night I was invited to this man’s house. This guy was a teacher at a local high school. Someone who was out, and very flamboyant. I felt so excited to walk in his place, because in my mind I was going into a safe place for us to just be ourselves. I felt like I was joining the little society of outcast. This, was not the case. I slowly realized I felt more like I was going into a brothel of Baton Rouge. People were sitting around, high or drinking. There was a pool and a pool table. People coming in and out of bedrooms. And while it sounds just like a small house party, there was way more going on beneath the surface of this place.
These kids (including myself) were all high schoolers. There were so many young impressionable KIDS who were looking for a safe place and getting brought into this world of sex and drugs. Which, at the end of the day, these kids have free will. They CHOSE to be there. It was never a FORCED situation. But in my mind it doesn’t excuse the behavior of this man. This man, in my mind, taught these kids that the gay community revolves around sex and alcoholism. He targeted young gay males to bring them into his place and partied with them, gave them the means to party/have sex, and (in my opinion) took advantage of their naiveness. He made them feel safe and eventually had “relationships” with them. He tried welcoming me in at 17 and poured me vodka, and he taught school at a local high school just miles away from our own high school.
Now, I was never a witness to him personally being with his students or anyone underage sexually. (Although I'm not dumb, nor do I see the world with rose colored glasses) I will not attest to him being a molester and that’s not what this post is about. What I’m trying to convey that while the intentions may have been an idea of supporting LGBT youth, what he was doing was breeding a culture of UNSAFE behavior. Which is your job not only as a teacher, but a human to help others better themselves. Not to drag them into the same barbaric, sexual lifestyle that you grew up and cultivated. These kids, I know because I was one, were very sexually vulnerable. We were teen boys who liked other teen boys. (Gasoline, meet fire.) Our sexual desires are raging by this age. I understand. But when I see groups of 15 year olds coming out of bedrooms in this house I just couldn’t condone being there any longer. You are a teacher! NOT A PIMP for the lost, gay and confused. I left after that night and never went back. Untouched, but worried about the friends I had just made who were way easier to place impressions upon. Over the years, I saw him and his gaggle of gays parading around the clubs, and every time I avoided them like the plague out of disgust. He literally seemed to pimp them out. (One time I scheduled a date with a guy, but he was dropped off by THIS GUY. I was shook. I didn’t know how far this guy’s reach was, but he almost seemed to run a service ran by Grindr)
These are only a few instances that I have had involving teachers and their poor behavior as educators. And while I do believe that the school system has come a very long way, I’m here to tell you that I see these people still teaching. Still there at the same school. I dont know if they continued these behaviors or actions, but chances are that they still do practice bigotry.
So in conclusion, I am also making a call to all my fellow classmates who ended up teaching to realize your role as an educator. To never take it for granted, and be the mature adult that you promised to be when you stand in the front of these children who are the FUTURE. They are the more important now more than ever. The next generation needs to be ready to face the world, and to stand strong against the hate that rages within the country. Because if not, we will only continue to spiral downwards. *Starts singing: I BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE*
PS: I would like to mention that there are equally as many amazing educators as there are corrupt ones. I will never forget the Tamara Willis's of the world, may she rest in peace. She always made me feel welcomed. She didn’t do it by showing me any extra attention, but simply caring about making sure I felt comfortable in her class. Also shout out to Mrs. Heidi Frederic whose class was the place where I always felt safe to be myself. A True Safe Haven with mature student-teacher boundaries. I will always respect your maturity to handle situations for the rest of my life. And there are many others who have impacted my life for the better along the way. I wish I could give you all the love you deserve and repay you for teaching me things about life that I could never learn elsewhere.