My entire life there has been one experience that stood out above the rest. FOOD. I was born and raised in south Louisiana; I was queen of Etoufee, gumbo, carbs, and ANYTHING fried. I love to eat, and I used to live by the idea of “I would rather be fat and happy than have to eat Quinoa.” SO THIS, on top of being lazy and really enjoying video games and computers, resulted in me being a very overweight human for most of my life. (DISCLAIMER: I was never excessively large. Nor did it get to the point of health risk. I dont claim to have had an eating disorder and this is not a post to advocate for any certain dieting/health ritual. This is simply my journey.)

"When you're climbing Mount Everest, nothing is easy. You just take one step at a time, never look back and always keep your eyes glued to the top" - Valley of the Dolls

My dad came to my school to throw me a birthday party. See, he is such a thoughtful human. Except when it came to food. This is one of my favorite pictures of us.

A FLAB-ULOUS BEGINNING

I may one day regret posting this, but everyone goes through this phase. Im not embarrassed at all, me and these girls had so many laughs and good times. Nobody cared about what we weighed.

Let’s go in reverse for a moment. From birth till about 5th grade I was always very skinny. I remember playing basketball as a young child and asking to be skins because I just KNEW I was thin. This slowly changed over the years. It hit me in all at once, it was like someone fed me nothing but straight mayo for 2 months. While other kids were growing in height, I was growing in width. Maybe it had to do with genetics, or maybe it had to do with the super-size fries we lived off of at my dad’s house. My dad is a very special character, and he is very talented at many things. However cooking was not in his wheel of tricks. We would eat out religiously. And by that, I mean we were the kids who owned all the Disney memorabilia that they sold at Burger King. We had EVERY toy that came with the Happy meals at McDonalds. This NEVER bothered me. I was a happy, wild character with a sense of humor and I still managed to woo the ladies. (Yes, I had tons of “girlfriends” in grade school) Plus I was a child, nobody cared how big I was or how much I ate, I was a “Growing boy”

Throughout High School I did manage to gain a few inches in height, stretching out the small potato that I had become, into a full-fledged young-man-potato. However, THIS, is where I first felt the pounds weighing heavier on my soul. I remember this like it was yesterday: band camp started two-weeks earlier than freshman year. (Yes. Band. Trumpet. Brass-Hole. ETC.) It was a typical, hot Louisiana Summer and the band kids were all arriving with their friends in their beat up, Hand-me-down vehicles. What caught my attention the most was the beautiful group of drumline boys. All super thin and super attractive. And then there was me. Braces, Chunkster, and being dropped off by my sister in her green mustang blaring 2009 rap music. However, it was fine. I was so excited to be here and doing this, I didn’t care. I still had the childlike mentality of who-cares-I-am-hungry. As the years went by I still didn’t really think this was a problem. I just thought it was who I was. I was always pleasantly-plump and I will always be. I just didn’t care for working out. I tried it a couple times, and I was in many sports. But I had managed to quit them all. Even band. I just HATED physical activity. I spent my free time making myspace layouts and getting 12,000 friends on my “StudioRiot” account.

AND to be honest I really wasnt THAT big. But there was always someone skinnier and more attractive then me. And now that I am an adult, I realize there always will be. But I didnt feel that way at the time. (Love you Shmegman!)

NO FATS. NO FEMS.

As the years went by I really started to develop a sense of disdain for my weight. And the further I inched my chunky gay self out of the closet the worse it got. People spend so much time talking about women and their body-image issues, but I think we fail to recognize how sexualized men are. ESPECIALLY in the gay community. If you are not skinny, Ripped or rich, you are simply ostracized by the community. People go on and on about how the gay club was their “Escape” to be themselves, but for me it was a place to go feel even more left out. Of course I had a good time, because I had amazing friends who loved me (Shout out to Megan, Kaytee, & Emily who would come with me to Splash and we would dance the night away with just ourselves not even worried about the rest of the world.) But no guy hit on me. No man ever offered me a drink. I could easily see why. The boys who were picked up by the gaggle of gays were all about 120 pounds soaking wet. They organized into clans. The Bears, the twinks, the old-daddies, and even the weird nerds had a group I didn’t “fit” into. It’s really a vicious cycle. And people may think I am being dramatic and over-exaggerative but the truth is, the gay world is very superficial. You can’t deny that. It still is. And I think that gay men and eating disorders are seriously swept under the rug.

BUT regardless of how “attractive” I was to the world, I wasn’t healthy. I was starting to really struggle to do things. I would break a sweat tying my shoes. I was getting to the point of wearing x-large clothes. And senior year in college, at the end of senior show, I weighed about 230 pounds. Even my sister said she would have her kids refer to me as Uncle Chubs. I didn’t want to be uncle chubs. And you cant complain about it, because then you get told “Well do something about it”… yeah… easier said than done. I was going to school full time, working 2 jobs, interning, graduating, and moving. There was so much going on I was lucky to have time to go to Taco Bell, let alone cook. So I continued eating and eating. But the final straw was graduating. I finally made it. I had SO MUCH FREE TIME. I was just let go from my temporary art director job at DIG, and I was living at home. I took a look in the mirror and I couldn’t stand it. For years I cried and complained about the way I looked. How my stomach got Dunlap. You know? Where your stomach Dunlapped over your pants? And one day I cried in the Sonic drive through while eating a chicken club toaster, and I thought to myself “Why am I like this?”

This is me at my worst weight of 215 pounds. I was not very happy with myself, if you cant tell by the expression on my face.

PEOPLE OF PLANET FITNESS

LOL.... ONE WHOLE HOUR YALL. — LOL.... ONE **WHOLE** HOUR YALL.

So I got the nerve to get a gym membership at the infamous Planet Fitness. This place was interesting. I felt comfortable working out there. And my mom was going to work out with me. I feel like I should mention that while I couldn’t make it up the stairs, my mother was doing marathons and finishing first place in races. My brother-in-law was a strength coach at LSU, and my sister was always a beautiful pageant queen. So when it came to searching for help, it wasn’t far. My mom pretty much coached me the first few months, and we did AWESOME. We got up at 5 am every day to hit the gym. We had a meal plan, AND we had a wedding to look good for. BUT the problem with Planet Fitness is, Pizza day…Bagel Day…Zumba Doesn’t work…and I don’t know what I’m really doing. (Follow PeopleOfPlanetFitness for a correct depiction of this) Eventually I made the move to Texas and I no longer had mom to help me out. I was starting to decline. I hated Planet Fitness and I really couldn’t lift or do anything. It was MISERABLE. Once again spending days depressed and miserable because I was working so hard and in so much pain and getting NO WHERE. It is hard.

Running my path on the river walk. I couldnt even run one whole mile yet. I would max out at 3 minutes.

But I was so tired of it. I think people who go from Flab to Fab hit a moment where they are tired of being called a P*ssy. Tired of being skipped over by men because of weight. Tired of being thought less of because im not MAN ENOUGH to have a six pack. So I kept fighting. I suffered through the pain. I cried through the shin-splints. And I found new ways to enjoy working out. But the major plot twist was eating correctly. I dropped the carbs and ate HORRIBLE frozen chicken and vegetables in the microwavable packages. I seriously ate chicken from a bag for months on end. Now that I look back it probably wasn’t that healthy for me, but it was still better than anything else I did. AND I avoided eating out as much as possible. It helped that I was in Texas, because there is no Louisiana food. I literally lost my first 20 pounds in the first month in Texas. So here’s a healthy tip, if you move states don’t ever eat out. Don’t learn the good places to eat. Eat healthy for a couple months then later worry about it. It sounds crazy, but it worked.

When I moved into my own place, the city started to blend in with my ideas of becoming healthier. So many people are active here in San Antonio. And my work offered me a gym membership deal with Golds Gym that was right next to the parking garage. It was literally the best/cutest little gym. This is where my progress felt real. I went to the gym 5 days a week, sometimes more. Working my chunky little body to the core. I was in a real routine. Freezer full of frozen chicken. I was lifting hundreds more than planet fitness and even random people would come up to me and ASK ME what I was doing. I thought they were crazy. One lady came up to me and was like “Ive been seeing you in here for a while now and man you look amazing.” I was SHOOKETH. SHOOK. TO THE CORE. I was like “BITCH, THANKS.” It was literally the best day.

This is some progression. It took me a while to realize how slow it goes. But you just have to keep going.

DO YOU EVEN ROW, BRO?

This was when I hit 100K Meters in Rowing. I LOVE the crew at EnergyX, They have seriously taught me so much and they arent afraid to push you when needed.

After getting into the groove of things I started to have a downfall. Texas Food. I slowly started to find amazing places to eat and things to do. I started to hate Gold’s Gym in downtown because it was HELLA tiny, and of course post-new-year’s-resolutions the gym flooded with new comers. And I could throw a stone and hit about 12 lunks that hung out at the gym. Filming each other and smacking each other’s asses more than me and any boyfriend I’ve ever had. NOT TO MENTION: the old naked men who attacked everyone with their nudity in the locker room. Seriously, get your raisins out of my face grandpa.

Eventually I decided I had come too far to quit now. I didn’t work this hard to give up. So I found more ways to enjoy working out. I think that is the trick to it all. Always challenge yourself. Always find a new mountain to climb. Keep fighting, and never forget that time someone called you a “Fat-Lonely-F*ck” It keeps me going. There were people who literally told me I would only last two weeks. These people inspired me the most. Sometimes when Im at the gym in pain, about to give up: I think of them.

My new mountain now was finding a new gym. I wanted to do new things. Like yoga and maybe even cross fit. I see so many people benefit from those types of lunky gyms. THEN I figured it out. One of my new friends invited me to try StudioHop. (Shoutout to Kristin for getting me to join, which led to the rest of our group joining, you really are a trend-setter and I love you) StudioHop is a program that lets you take classes from multiple studios at a flat rate of 100 dollars a month. You get 4 classes per gym, and it works out very well if you go to 5 different studios a week like I do. Most of them are in the city, but its SO COOL. Its unlike anything I’ve Ever done. Ill give you an example of my week

Monday: PowerRow at EnergyX Fitness
Tuesday: Spin at JoyRide on Broadway
Wednesday: Heated Vinyasa Yoga at Mind. Body. Soul.
Thursday: CrossChain at Alamo 180
Friday: Resistance Ride at Joyride
Saturday: Spin at Joyride in Alon
Sunday: Aerial yoga in Boerne at Aerial Yoga Boerne

I literally did 7 days a week to prepare for New York. And it really payed off when I took my shirt off in central park. Granted it isn’t always this easy, sometimes classes fill up, sometimes I want to try new gyms and sometimes I just would rather go to happy hour. But overall StudioHop has changed the way I work out. I feel very dedicated to it lately. And if anyone needs $7.50 off their first month, I HAVE A CODE. (I’m such an influlencer HAHA JK everyone has a code)

Still have a long way to go before hitting the Magic-Mike stage but for now I am proud of my progress.

FROM CHUNKY TO HUNKY.

Overall It has been a wild ride. Ive learned so much about my body and more importantly I KNOW my body now. I know what it needs, I know when to "fuel the machine" and when to chow down. I know when to rest, and even better I know who I am doing it for. I'm to the point where it doesn't matter who hits on me at the bar, what matters is that I'm taking care of myself. And I now realize I want a man that does the same. I won't settle for a guy who can just buy a drink, he needs to be able to keep up in spin class. I started at 215 in December of 2015. When I moved to Texas I lost about 20 pounds: 195 lbs in may of 2016. Around Christmas of 2016 I was about 175, and in February I got real sick and went through a depression and quit gold's gym; it all lead to me ending up at 160 pounds. (Lost most of my muscle mass) But essentially I lost a total of 55 pounds in about a year and a half. It was truly a milestone in my life. Now, with StudioHop and outdoor activities, I'm at a more comfortable weight for my stature at 175. And I'm hoping to continue to sculpt and better myself. Here's my final tip though. Ignore the scale. Stop pressuring yourself for the pounds. Enjoy the journey and not the destination. And if you ever want to know more about my weight loss journey anyone is allowed to ask me. I love sharing this with people and I will continue to do so. I still have more goals and I truly believe you're never finished. There is always a way to be better, get stronger, and I never want to stop pushing myself to do more. To experience as much as possible when it comes to my body.